Values are signposts for our behaviour and thoughts, they help us navigate the world around us.
They are an ethical GPS for us to avoid pitfalls that plunge us into relationships we don’t want or serve us, jobs that aren’t aligned to our goals or beliefs and friendships that are superficial and uncomfortable.
Most core values come from our early years from 0-7 years old and then evolve depending on our adult relationships and influences. Some people's values and moral compass can become depleted as they move into adulthood, heavily influenced by the world that surrounds them, for some they never change and stay resolute in the early values that they were taught by their parents and for others they drift away and them come back periodically to the values from childhood.
Where ever you sit on the spectrum none of us live our lives strictly to our values and need help reconnecting with what really matters to us every now and then.
Do you still have the same values? Do you live your life in alignment with these values and do you surround yourself with others with similar values.
The tick boxes we should be searching for when dating and looking for our significant other isn’t financial status, looks, social life, house, car or even personality traits, these are important but not as important as ensuring your values are in alignment. One of the most common reason why relationships break down after a few years of bliss is that when the core values are addressed they are not in alignment. These cracks can't be plastered over!
So how do we do this?
Make a list of 6 cores values and the origin of where they started?
When you make your list, honestly look at whether you practice your values. If you don’t why aren't you, maybe your values have evolved and changed from when you were a child and actually the belief system and values your parents taught you are no longer relevant.
Example
Value Origin Do I live it?
Honesty Parents/AA Mostly, fear sometimes prevents
me.
If you want to live an authentic true life without distraction from your core values you need to revisit them every few months or so and realign your life to fit your values.
Common core values are:
Compassion
Integrity
Empathy
Kindness
Generosity
Easy going/passive
Free spirited
Adventurous
Spirituality
Religious
Family orientated
Friends oriented
Loving
Patient
High self worth
Origins of your value:
Parents
School
Peers
Friends
Tradition
Cultural influence
Social pressure
Social expectation
Media
So the next time you get a gut feeling that something isn’t right or you are feeling uncomfortable, come back to your core values and look at whether these are being compromised. Never compromise what is important to you to please someone else!
